What Am I Gonna DO With This Kid?!?

I'm this little brat's MeeMee. If I did nothing else in life except be Lexi's MeeMee, I'd still be fullfilled and happy.
Counting Lexi, we have two grandchildren and another on the way. I read the article below because the Apple of My Eye pictured there would probably be deemed demonic by the Catholic Church when she doesn’t get her way. Anyhoo, I thought I’d share this :)

http://kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/drugs/know_about_drugs.html
Reviewed by: Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD

Ages 0 to 2
Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. So it's wise to eliminate temptations and no-nos — items such as TVs and video equipment, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and medications should be kept well out of reach.

When your crawling baby or roving toddler heads toward an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say "No" and either remove your child from the area or distract him or her with an appropriate activity.

Timeouts can be effective discipline for toddlers. A child who has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, for example, should be told why the behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated timeout area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — for a minute or two to calm down (longer timeouts are not effective for toddlers).

It's important to not spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. Babies and toddlers are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They will only feel the pain of the hit.

And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.

Ages 3 to 5
As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home.
Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior.

For instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences.

The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important for parents to decide (together, if you are not a single parent) what the rules are and then uphold them.

While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good behaviors. Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child for the opposite behavior — not sharing. And be specific when doling out praise; don't just say, "Good job!"

If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and unacceptable behaviors every day. This will give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem.

Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Establish a suitable timeout place that's free of distractions and will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. Remember, getting sent to your room doesn't have an impact if a computer, TV, and video games are there. Don't forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation).

It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."

Ages 6 to 8
Timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group.

Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say.
Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment ("Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again!") in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day.

Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away.

Ages 9 to 12
Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences. As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline.

For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not — you'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade.

It's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a favor by letting them fail sometimes. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won't make those mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, set up some of your own to help modify the behavior.

Ages 13 and Up
By now you've laid the groundwork. Your child knows what's expected and that you mean what you say about the penalties for bad behavior. Don't let down your guard now — discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. Just as with the 4-year-old who needs you to set a bedtime and enforce it, your teen needs boundaries, too.

Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. Your teen will probably complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. Believe it or not, teens still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them greater freedom and responsibility.

When your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action. While it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming home an hour past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome.
Remember to give a teenager some control over things. Not only will this limit the number of power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make.

You could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even the condition of his or her room. As your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended to include an occasional relaxed curfew.

It's also important to focus on the positives. For example, have your teen earn a later curfew by demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for irresponsible behavior.

A Word About Spanking
Perhaps no form of discipline is more controversial than spanking. Here are some reasons why the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) discourages spanking:

Spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hit when they're angry.
Spanking can physically harm children.
Rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of their parents and merely teaches them to avoid getting caught.
For kids seeking attention by acting out, spanking may inadvertently "reward" them (negative attention is better than no attention at all).

Have a great weekend, all!!

Always a Reason to Smile

In the very least, your face muscles still work. That’s a reason.

Some days it may feel as if that is the only reason to smile, but after the smile is performed, it’s worth it.

Ever realize that learning to smile in unhappy situations or during hard times does seem to make everything easier to bear for the moment?

I learned to smile while in County on Maximum. The smile even helped ease panic attacks, a common thing for folks to go through in jail.

So smile often, no matter the circumstance, and especially the circumstance :)

When things become easier to bear, they become easier to change.

And being able to create change in given circumstances always leads to us being….

…good to each other :)

Interview With a Gaslighting Victim: The Brian Bailey Story

BIRMINGHAM-Brian Bailey, a lifetime resident of Gardendale, located right outside of Birmingham, Alabama, met Maria Cox about five years ago. They quickly dated, were engaged though they had only met two months prior, only to elope one month into the engagement. Though Brian truly believed his life to be somehow complete after marrying Maria, he soon found that things were not exactly what he had longed for in a marriage.

JSC: So she began to change, you told me in your email, Brian. Will you elaborate?

BB: Well, it began with impatience over intimate things. I mean, I would be leaving a room as she entered, and if I hugged her, she became huffy and would pull away. Sometimes she yelled, "Would you stop?"

JSC: How soon did this behavior begin?

BB: Oh, maybe not even three months into our marriage. Then she seemed embarrassed to be with me in front of people. She would actually blush when I spoke to others. She also started cutting me down with criticism in front of people.

JSC: Tell me about one of those times, Brian.

Entire Article Here

Gaslighting Definitions:

Wikipedia's Definition of Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It uses persistent denials of fact which, as they build up over time, make the victim progressively anxious, confused, and unable to trust his or her own memory and perception.

Gaslighting is a common tactic/symptom of some mental disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and other Personality Disorders. People having BPD will use gaslighting (consciously or unconsciously) along with a wide variety of psychologically manipulative/abusive tactics to fend-off criticism of their own actions that they deem too painful to accept responsibility for. (See Denial). However, there are a variety of reasons, other than gaslighting, why people suffering with these disorders may make untrue statements (and authentically believe them to be true), such as confabulation and dissociation. These reasons are not considered gaslighting by virtue of their not being consciously intentional ploys to deceive.

A variation of gaslighting, used as a form of harassment, is to subtly alter aspects of a victim's environment, thereby upsetting his or her peace of mind, sense of security, etc., such as was used by the Manson Family during their "creepy crawler" burglaries during which nothing was stolen, but furniture in the house was rearranged. [1]

Cultural Connections

The term was coined from the 1940 film Gaslight and its 1944 remake in which changes in gas light levels are experienced several times by the main character. The classic example in the film is the character Gregory using the gas lamps in the attic, causing the rest of the lamps in the house to dim slightly; when Paula comments on the lights' dimming, she is told she is imagining things. Paula believes herself alone in the house when the dimming occurs, unaware that Gregory has entered the attic from the house next door, and is searching for jewels he believes to be hidden there. The sinister interpretation of the change in light levels is part of a larger pattern of deception to which the character Paula is subjected.

Similar events have been depicted more recently in soap operas. In Coronation Street in 2003, con-man and murderer Richard Hillman gaslighted Audrey Roberts to ensure that no one would believe her suspicions about his illegal activities. In Neighbours, Elle Robinson drove Max Hoyland crazy after he caused her brother's death in a car accident. Elle stole his car, kidnapped his son Charlie, stole his football tickets, and ordered alcohol in his name. The result was that Max's friends and family, and finally Max himself, believed that he was forgetting things and losing his grip on reality.

In the 2001 movie Amlie, the titular protagonist embarks on a mission to gaslight her local grocer as punishment for his cruel treatment of an intellectually impaired assistant. Amelie switches his light bulbs with lower wattage bulbs and replaces his slippers with smaller ones, among other tricks.

On their album Two Against Nature, the band Steely Dan include the song "Gaslighting Abbie" about two people conspiring to torment their room-mate.

Mental Health Treatment in the County Jail System:

Natty's Story

by Teresa Wilson
AC Content Producer
Teresa's CP Page

Natty (not her real name), was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, manic-depression, when she was in her late twenties and began a series of different medications to help her control her extreme mood swings between super manic highs and suicidal depressed lows. Life was difficult for Natty as she tried to deal with her bipolar disorder and she began experimenting with drugs and became addicted to crack, heroin, and whatever drug was available that could get her high. She lost her job, her home, and her family. She stayed with whatever drug friend that still happened to have a place to live and even lived on the streets for awhile, gathering aluminum cans from the garbage to help support her drug habit. Her only friends were other substance abusers who all lived on the edges of society just as she did. Even on her medications, Natty wanted to die and was frequently trying to kill herself by daring others to shoot her, stab her, and just kill her already! Once she even started to jump off an overpass into the freeway oncoming traffic but backed out at the last minute when she had the thought that she might survive the fall. Natty hung out with the wrong people and was eventually arrested and charged with receiving stolen property and sentenced to six months in the county jail.


ENTIRE  ARTICLE  HERE

Love Addiction and Toxic Relationships

by Kathy Reed O’Gorman
Associated Content Producer
CP Page

Are you in a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you know is bad for you? Do your family and friends tell you how concerned they are? Do you make up your mind to leave only to go right back again? Are you continuing to pursue a partner who refuses to commit to you? Are you coming into the relationship with low self esteem, feeling needy? Does the relationship make you miserable but seem to have an unnatural hold on you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have a love addiction.

Entire Article Here

Is Your Significant Other Cheating On You?

How Can You Be Certain You Are Not A Victim of Emotional Abuse?

Answer the following questions:
1. Has there been a change in his/her routine or does your significant other take longer than usual in coming back home from work, errands, or activities?

2. Is it obvious he/she is hiding something from you?

3. Does he/she dodge certain questions, give answers which absolutely could not be true, or contradict previous statements? (More help on the subject of this question can be found in THIS ARTICLE).

4. Has there been a decline or increase in sex? Is sex different with him/her than in the past?

5. Do you now seem unimportant to him/her?

6. Is there something you know is happening that you just cannot put a finger on? Trust your gut instincts. They are usually correct.

If you answered "yes" to 2 or more of these questions, and there is nothing else that the differences or actions in question can instead be related to, be certain you are not experiencing emotional abuse.

The Gaslight, George Cukor, Director, 1944 (Remake of the 1940 British film). Copyright: MGM

The Ticking Time Bomb:

. Known in the community as "the Ticking Time-Bomb," the 48 year old machinist has lived a life that many people in this town refer to as "just plain sad."



After handing me a mug of hot coffee, he explains, "Well, Nora was watching a talk-show the other day about the cycle of abuse through generations. What they kept repeating was the notion that if a kid is abused, they will become an abuser. There were stories backing up the claim. The guest speakers made it sound like once a child is mistreated, they're doomed to abuse their own one day."

Being familiar with the history of the Ticking Time-Bomb, I smile, knowing where this interview is going now, and happy to witness Tim finally speaking out against public scrutiny. I ask, "So, you wish to challenge their statements?"

"You bet I do."

Entire Article Here

In a Chasm

My body must be on a life support system somewhere,
And I, in a coma, am experiencing suspended death.
My thoughts race in a drift, twisting in on themselves,
Going nowhere. They just move and turn.

Entire Poem Here

Effects of Emotional Abuse- No You're Not Crazy!

by Kathy Reed
for Associated Content
May 31, 2006

...One victim involved in an abusive relationship recounted, "I was in a twenty year marriage, and like most women was very sensitive about my weight. My husband knew this, as he knew most of my insecurities as only someone who lives with you that many years can. One day we went to a local steakhouse, and went through the buffet line. People were lined up behind us, and there was quite a crowd. I reached for the trays, and decided to also get one out for him. I sat both on the counter. He turned and said in a loud voice, "God, Woman! How much you planning to eat to need TWO trays!" He laughed hysterically and people around us gave us pitiful looks. I tried to not think about it, but some months later, I mentioned it to a friend, who quickly replied, "That's emotional abuse." I didn't know if I believed that. He was my husband, after all...."




Entire Article Here

Verbal and Emotional Abuse: How to Break the Cycle

Are You a Victim of Abuse? Determining If You Are a Victim

Gaslighting and Domestic Violence

Love In the Gaslight Poem


What Is Gaslighting?
The Extremes of Emotional Abuse