Rants From the Gaslit -- The Front Page -- A PNN Broadcast

Dear Addict Contribution

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 14 May 2008 12:21:52 GMT

You know, looking back, I think I was just fighting a major depression. Pain pills made me happy. And when I was happier, I thought that I was better. I was a better mother, a better wife, a better friend - you get the idea. I was so sad inside that I really believed being high on opiates made me a better person than the person I was while sober. Addiction whispered that lie to me and I wrapped my arms around it, heralding the lie as sound truth for many years after. But believing drugs made me better was the second lie addiction told.

The first lie addiction tells is the most dangerous. The first lie addiction told me was that I could pop a pill every now and then and never become chemically dependent. I remembered reviewing pictures in 8^th grade health class that revealed a strung out, homeless creature who sat on a curb somewhere in LA, his nose half rotted off, his skeletal body showing through worn, ratty clothes - and I believed there was no way in hell I could ever become an ignorant, filthy dope head.

Believing that first lie was as easy as believing the sun would rise the following morning. I mean, how in the hell could someone not see that they were growing into such a monster? I believed the examples of strung out messes on the streets of America in the 1980's were people who chose to be the self-afflicted outcasts of society. But see, that's the way the majority of American educators and parents unknowingly pushed my generation to believe back then: addiction was a choice, not a disease with symptoms and relapse and withdrawal and daily battles to become well by becoming sicker.

Though well-intended, the educational and parental misguidance through drug awareness campaigns of the past left many of my generation with an absolute and completely false sense of security over the fact that we would never choose to become such a devilish, criminal outcast that drug addicts were repeatedly portrayed to be. The results of this prominent misunderstanding have speckled and spotted my life with a guilt and shame that I then buried with the temporary peace of being high over and over again. We drug addicts were taught that a person can choose not to be that strung out, homeless creature. We drug addicts were taught that we would never, ever become a monster if we didn't choose to become one by being a drug addict.

Somewhere, somehow, they didn't know to tell me that it would not be my choice. They did not know that they should teach me that for some people, drugs would become the single, most important pursuit of each waking moment. They didn't know that some of their students should be taught that using drugs could lead to an addiction they could not begin to understand. For some, an addiction in which all attempts to satisfy the constant need for the drug pushes them into accepting a world of actions that, had they been allowed a glimpse into the possible future while sitting in 8^th grade health class, would have left them howling in fear, being shown the picture of what they would become.

And what I became would have given the 8^th grade version of myself post-traumatic stress disorder had I been able to peer into the future from that seat in health class. From Lortab, to Methadone, pharmaceuticals to crystal meth, smiling mother of beautiful daughters to a convicted drug trafficker hardened from interacting with people who were . . . well, just like me . . . I changed into a strung-out, loveless creature who would have been concerned with sitting on a curb somewhere only because a Jefferson County Sheriff may see me crazy high and dealing meth, the ignorant, selfish, filthy-minded and hard-heartened dope head I indeed did not choose to be.

And every day I would choose a normal, sober, sane, nice-smelling life if the persistent screams of knowing how happy the high could make me would just leave my thoughts. After believing the lie of the high - the lie of addiction - it is never the same life again.

Read This Week's DEAR ADDICT Here

Dear Addict

H2oforthegaslit — Tue, 13 May 2008 01:46:23 GMT

Column 1, Issue 2

Hello Again.

Feels good to know your're still no longer alone, doesn't it?

Because you're not, you don't have to do this alone, nor can you do this alone!

So, talk to me, to somebody, reach out.

Email me www.dearaddict@gmail.com, or leave me a private message right here on my home page - I assure you these are private messages. Lastly, your're welcome to leave your phone number and I would be more than happy to chat.

Your're not as bad a person as you think. It is through sharing with another addict we learn there is always an addict who was much worse off than us and they're staying clean. So we can be also. But not alone. So, talk to me.

Entire Article Here

Dear Addict

H2oforthegaslit — Fri, 09 May 2008 02:31:23 GMT

Column One, Issue One

HOWDY and WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!

Nice to know you're not alone isn't it!

Thanks for dropping in, I promise it's quite a ride, buckle up, I also promise it's a safe trip.

Today's issue;

>what is Dear Addict? >where is Dear Addict? >What is an Addict? > who the heck is Kim Gray? > How can you tell if you're an Addict? > Drug Facts and Stats this issue; crack cocaine > and who is Jeanne? Lastly, content Index/Subject matter for next issue, including questions and answers.

Entire Issue Here

Dear Addict

H2oforthegaslit — Sun, 04 May 2008 06:56:33 GMT

Launches May 5th
Associated Content

Dear Addict is launching Monday May 5th at 6am. I am really excited.

Dear Addict however lives through your participation, your comments and experiences, your questions and advise.

Dear Addict while a serious subject about a serious disease will be insightful I promise and when appropriate a forum to have a sense of humor about ourselves.

Dear Addict is simply people sharing each others experience, strength and hope. It will not preach any one way of doing any one thing.

Anything goes. Help is here, through each other. So please, tell each other.

Entire Article Here

Federally Affected

H2oforthegaslit — Sun, 04 May 2008 06:46:21 GMT

He held Federal Convictions and a lot of time
I held a power of attorney and his life became mine

INTERPOL's top list with warrants and he was Federally wanted
DEA and ROPE'S Bounty Hunters, it was me that they haunted

I wanted to help but crumbled with uncertainty
Detectives were rough and I was alone just with me

I learned far too much and became too comfortable
with guns, badges, searches and dogs while living so portable

Entire Poem Here

Why Don't You Get Dressed and Come Down?

H2oforthegaslit — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 06:27:00 GMT

Picking up pieces of myself after dropping everything for a few, and
The attestation you endlessly display leaves me with only one truth.
The dilemma I always allow me to face gives rise to obsolete excuse:
The problem's not the lack of concern, but its aroma that will confuse.

Why don't you get dressed and come down here,
With these adversaries, these rivals, these foes, these
Merciless creatures, come here to hunt, come here to wrinkle your nose?
I can't understand why I just don't want their patronizing time!

Entire Poem Here

Poem: The Addict's Hallmark

H2oforthegaslit — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:53:03 GMT

Just a note for Mother's day
I hope you are doing well.
If you are and can spare a dime
Please drop it in the mail.

Entire Poem Here

Talking to Your Kids About Drugs

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:26:22 GMT

By Michelle WathaM
Associated Content Producer

Talking to your kids about drugs may be difficult sometimes. Parents often don't know where to start or exactly what to say about drugs. All we can do is explain to kids why drugs are bad for them. If we constantly remind them every few years why drugs are bad then they will most likely remember it if they are faced with peer pressure in the future.

Explaining to kids about drugs is important. It is better for them to be educated about drugs by adults than it is for them to learn about drugs from other people their own range rage. We can only educate them by telling them how and why drugs are bad. Teenagers usually do listen to parents about drugs even though we may think that they don't listen to us.

Entire Article Here

Nicotine Addictions

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:05:41 GMT

Addiction

By JConstance

I sneak around
Seeking out the places I hid my paraphernalia
Away from family
Away from my friends
An ashtray
The lighter that caught my eye in the store
Just a day ago I confessed I had quit
And that I had gained the willpower to simply ignore the cravings
Obsessively doing things
Trying to keep busy
As I complete my daily tasks
I pass by my purse
The sewn fabric that holds just enough to buy a pack....

Entire Poem Here

Other Types of Addiction

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:58:44 GMT

Addiction
By Genevieve Dowd Corwin

It didn't start out this way.
At first, I started off nice and slow.
Spent little money and indulged occasionally.
The more money you make, the more you want to spend.
It became very accessible.
There became more and more places to get it and more people willing to sell.
You can do it anywhere.
Home, out with your friends, or by yourself.
It even got me in trouble getting caught doing it at work.
It made me so happy.

Entire Poem Here

Interview With a Gaslighting Victim:

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:21:52 GMT

The Rhonda Parkinson Story

Wikipedia defines this little known evil as such: "Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It uses persistent denials of fact which, as they build up over time, make the victim progressively anxious, confused, and less able to trust his or her own memory and perception. A variation of gaslighting, used as a form of harassment, is to subtly alter aspects of a victim's environment, thereby upsetting his or her peace of mind, sense of security, etc."

The term is coined from a 1940's film, Gaslight. The character Gregory lights the gas lamps in the attic, causing the rest of the lamps in the house to dim slightly. When his wife, Paula, comments on the lights' dimming, Gregory tells her that she is imagining things. Paula believes herself alone in the house when the dimming occurs. She is unaware that Gregory has entered the attic from the house next door in order to search for jewels he believes to be hidden there. The sinister interpretation of the change in light levels is part of a larger pattern of deception to which the character Paula is subjected.

Since first writing the article "What Is Gaslighting? The Extremes of Emotional Abuse," I have received numerous emails from victims, many of whom had no idea that they were being subjected to emotional abuse. These victims actually believed they were insane, continually blaming themselves for the problems within the relationships with their abusers.

Entire Article Here

Epiphany of a Recovering Drug Addict

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 03:34:40 GMT

I did not want to be a high grandmother. Although the courts gave me added incentive to be compliant with a treatment plan, it has been solely my own choice to not use methamphetamine since August of 2007.

My granddaughter is almost six months old now, and I am certain that when she reaches the age of five years old, I will be able to say "I have been clean for five years." The extreme difference between the person I am on methamphetamine and the sober person I am today can be clearly seen. I am gainfully employed and no longer using or dealing drugs.

Entire Article Here

What Was That Drug Addict THINKING?

H2oforthegaslit — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 21:17:56 GMT

Dorothy has a daughter who is not trusted in her home, even when accompanied by her family. "If Tiffany leaves a room, I know she is looking for something to steal so she can get drugs. If she wants to use our bathroom, I have to watch to make sure she doesn't take a detour into one of the bedrooms."

Dorothy has attempted to manage the sad relationship with her youngest daughter for many years. Her daughter is addicted to K-4's. She is an intravenous user. K-4 is the street name for the drug Dilaudid, a serious narcotic.

Like all opioids used for analgesia, hydromorphone (Dilaudid) is potentially habit-forming. It is listed in Schedule II of the United States' Controlled Substances Act of 1970, and is listed in the Single Convention On Narcotic Drugs.

Unfortunately, most Americans either know someone or are related to someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Those who have never been addicted to an altering substance justifiably have a hard time understanding the mindset of those who have.

With that in mind, the following is an attempt to help others understand the battle raging inside an addict. This is not an attempt to excuse actions acted upon by addicts, but rather, it is a journey into the many underlying causes through which this disease literally drags an addict.

Entire Article Here

Definition of Addiction

H2oforthegaslit — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 05:06:45 GMT

Unfortunately, most Americans either know someone or are related to someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Those who have never been addicted to an altering substance justifiably have a hard time understanding the mindset of those who have.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines "addiction" as an habitual psychological and physiological dependence on a substance or practice beyond one's voluntary control.

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary similarly defines "addiction" as a compulsive physiological need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; and broadly defines "addiction" as: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be physically, psychologically, or socially harmful.

Having battled addiction to more than one substance for many years, I have learned that a definition for "addiction" is personally hard to come to terms with. The things I don't want to do normally end up being the things that I do. Likewise, the things I truly wish to act upon and really intend on doing all too often become the very things I neglect. To me, this ambivalence is the very heart of addiction.

The American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/addiction

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/addiction

Personal Experience at the Hannah Home In Alabama

H2oforthegaslit — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 17:38:00 GMT

Homeless Shelters Are Not Necessarily "Rock Bottom"

Ordinarily, women's shelters are established for a variety of reasons. For the battered and abused women and children of our society, these homes can mean a safe and secure place to live, sleep, and begin a new, productive life. For those who are displaced, or have no home of their own, the shelters meet the many needs for a woman and her children, as well as for single women.

For me, it meant an alternative to prison while attending counseling for drug addiction in 2001. What I found in the surprisingly warm, attentive atmosphere are things I will never forget.

When first hearing of the alternative plan for my sentence, I was happy to be able to leave jail, and of course ready to be just about anywhere authorities would allow me to be instead of behind bars. But I viewed a woman's shelter quite differently than they in fact are. Upon entering the group home in a county to the north of my own here in Alabama, I met smiling faces and warm reassurances that everything would be okay.

Entire Article Here